Muted Affection
by Black Light Brightness
Summary: Kagome Higurashi has lived in pain and shadows for most of her life admiring the one person whom she loves. Inuyasha is completely unaware of Kagome's existence. Can he convince Kagome that love is strong enough to defeat the greatest pain?   Rape/Abuse
1. Chapter 1

**MUST READ: **This fic has some very dark moments in it. This is the first time i have ever attempted anything this dark. There is **Rape and Abuse** in this chapter.

If you would prefer to skip it skip al the way until the **next page break.**

Please review and give me our thoughts on this chapter. This is my AN for this chapter. My usual happy joking AN's have no place here in my opinion.

PS: looking for a Beta

PSS: how do i add popper page spacing like if i want a blank line between the text?

Summary: Kagome Higurashi has lived in pain and shadows for most of her life admiring the one person whom she loves. Inuyasha is completely unaware of Kagome's existence. Can Inuyasha convince Kagome that love is strong enough to defeat the greatest pain? (Rape/Abuse)

* * *

**_...Fear..._**

_._

_In the hollow of her mind her thoughts swirled and echoed as she tried to detach herself from her body. _

_._

**_...Pain..._**

_._

_Muted as it was she could still feel every strike; could still smell the sake that dripped off his breath as he hovered above her._

.

**...Torment...**

_._

_She knew better than to struggle. The alcohol wanted a nice pliable victim. The man wanted a struggle. _

_Tonight was the alcohol's turn._

_._

**_...Terror..._**

_._

_She didn't dare disobey._

_._

_._

**_...Suffering..._**

_._

_In the darkness that surrounded her she waited... It would come... it always did..._

_._

**_...fear...pain...torment...terror...waiting...waiting...waiting..._**

_._

_How long had she managed to hide? How much longer would it last... _

_She felt herself thrown from the darkness she used to protect herself. He would never let her go... _

**_._**

**_...Never let her escape..._**

_._

_Her senses returned. _

_Her nerves still seemed unconnected to her brain but she could feel herself laying on the hardwood floor of her home, and the awkward angle of her arm. _

_The smell of Alcohol rushed through her nose and the strength of it made her nauseous _

_The coppery taste of blood filled her mouth and chocked her. _

_The feelings, which had been distant in the darkness, were forced upon her full strength._

**_._**

**_...AGONY...._**

_._

_.She shrieked at the top of her lungs._

_Every nerve ending her body possessed from the neck down exploded in pain and her vision went white with the overload._

_The scream echoed in the room around her, ringing in her ears only causing more pain._

_Her vision still blank, she didn't see the man reach for her aching throat with his large calloused hand._

_Her ears tuned in to the words she could not hear from the confines of her mind._

_"SHUT UP **BITCH!**__ I TOLD YOU TO **NEVER**__ MAKE A SOUND! NO ONE WANTS A WOMAN WITH A VOICE!"_

_The sudden increase in pressure on her windpipe blurred her slowly returning vision as tears of pain gathered in her eyes. She forced herself not to struggle as he picked her up single handedly by the through and dragged her body up against the wall. _

_He stepped close so that his face was only inches from her own before whispering, "Good... much better... a woman should know her place."_

_Her hope for unconsciousness vanished as she slowly felt him loosen his grip on her windpipe. " Good, good. We can't have you passing out from lack of oxygen can we... after all... there's still _so_ much more fun to be had tonight..." Still blind she nearly flinched when whispering he laughed nearly silently before burying his face almost gently into the crook of her neck._

_She knew what would come next. She abhorred what she knew would follow this seemingly tender act. She hated when he was tender about it. She preferred the rough treatment it seemed she wouldn't receive. At least when he was rough there was no pleasure to speak of. She preferred the pain of black and blue bruises to the feeling of dirt across her skin._

_"I think..." He began; his voice breathy in her ear as he stepped foreword to hold her body against the wall with his own, releasing his grip on her throat in favor of resting it on her hip._

_" It's been a while since we went over the rules hasn't it." _

_The only movement in the room was his hand sliding slowly up her side then down to her thigh before warping itself around her waist. His other hand, which had remained in a fist at his side as he spoke, slowly crept down to grab her ankle before sliding up her leg and wrapping it around his own waist._

_Afraid and silent, she was determined to remain staring over the man's head at the opposite wall. She remained still with tears dripping down her face as his adventurous hands wrapped her other leg around his waist and placed her arms around his neck. _

_She could feel him press himself against her and nip and bite at the junction of her neck and shoulder. "You like this don't you..." he sighed between kisses and nips "My good little girl never puts up a fight..."_

_She tried to ignore the thing poking at her where her kegs wrapped around him but stiffened when it twitched against her as his hands began to dance across her chest and as he placed hot open-mouthed kisses along her collar bone._

_When he felt her stiffen against him he stopped all movement his fury spiking suddenly._

_Grabbing her arm he stepped back and threw her into the wall above her bed quite pleased with the resounding thud and the blood that dripped down the wall from the cut in her head._

_Desperately she tried to escape back into her mind. It was the only available option. she couldn't move her body and the bleeding from her head only seemed to sharpen her senses instead of dulling them._

_She watched as fury blazed in her father's brown eyes; his hair matted and his face and suit splattered with her blood. His gaze burned her as it reached unimaginable highest. The swirl of fury, and lust gave him a crazed look as her took long menacing strides toward her still unmoving body._

_"HOW DARE YOU, YOU FILTHY WHORE, FLINCH AS I OFFER YOU PLEASURE!"_

_'Move! Move! MOVE!' her paralyzed body whirled and strained as she tried to move, to escape, to do ANYTHING! but her efforts were in vain as her father reached her and slammed her below him on the bed. Climbing on top of her he grabbed her arms, which were already blue and green, and yanked them up above her head, nearly pulling them out of their sockets. Removing his tie he used it to bind her to the bedpost. _

_He roughly shoved his tongue into her mouth and practically down her throat. She dared not bite down. Still kissing her roughly he shrugged himself out of his jacket and ripped off his buttoned shirt before moving his hands to her body. _

_Nothing worked. Her body had shut down yet she was still forced to feel it all. She could feel as he ripped open her pajama tank top and began roughly fondling her breasts through her bra. She felt as one hand reached around to undo the hook keeping him from his prize while the other explored the expanse of her stomach. _

_As soon as the clasp was undone her slid the bra up her bound arms before sitting up on her legs. She squirmed in discomfort as she felt him harden while staring at her exposed chest before her hoarse throat attempted to cry out when he latched him mouth on one mound and bit down _hard._ She felt him suckling the blood from her breast as if her were a newborn taking milk from it's mother._

_No coherent thoughts passed through her mind when the pain threw her back into the darkness she wished was unconsciousness. Screeching in her head were the screams and shrieks of pain that her throat refused to release. Echoing in her mind were the only truths she knew._

_._

_WHORE_

_SLUT_

_BITCH_

_MURDERER_

_UNGRATEFUL_

_USELESS_

_SELFISH_

_WASTE_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_PAIN_

_FEAR_

_TORTURE_

_TORMENT_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_and through it all she could still feel as he thrust harshly in and out of her bleeding passage.._

_...she could still feel the pain where his nails raked into her skin hard enough to draw blood..._

_...she wished for the escape that unconsciousness could provide..._

_._

_and still could she feel these things long after her father had spent himself many times within her before walking out her room and heading to his master suite to sleep._

_._

_._

_...trapped... alone... afraid..._

_._

_._

_._

_'...help me...'_

_

* * *

_

_It was about 4 o'clock in the morning when the screams faded in her mind._

_It was over for now. _

_This wouldn't happen again for a few days if she were lucky. _

_As the young girl lay sprawled in her own blood, sweat and tears, unmoving, only one think kept her from giving in to the death she would otherwise have allowed herself._

_._

_Him._

_._

_He was her light. Her guilty pleasure. The only thing she had left to live for. If she died, how would she ever see him again? How would she ever watch as he lived the life and received the happiness he deserved? _

_She knew that it was selfish of her to want him happy; and she knew it was selfish to want to stay alive and witness his happiness. _

_._

_But still. _

_._

_He was the last thing Kagome thought of before allowing herself the fleeting escape of unconsciousness._


	2. Chapter 2

At five o'clock Kagome awoke to the sound of her alarm. Slowly she regained consciousness and empty, broken eyes stared at the white ceiling above her. Her memories of the previous night rushed to the forefront of her mind. Her eyes filled with fear and the memory of severe pain before that fear was replace by a minuscule flame of wonder upon realizing that she was not in as much pain as she should have been. While the diminished pain was not a new occurrence it always managed to surprise her.

On her fifteenth birthday she had discovered her spiritual powers. Her father had forbid her the use of them. He had made a seal for her powers and literally dug it into her right shoulder. So that it could practically not be removed.

The seal basically placed a cork on her power and caused her severe pain whenever she tried to use it. But she had discovered a loophole. It seemed that while she slept her powers built barriers around her pain. The seal prevented them from healing her injuries but that didn't mean she had to feel the pain they caused.

Sighing in gratitude and annoyance Kagome gathered her strength and pushed herself off the bed trying to ignore the strain of her muscles and the blood that coated her body. Without looking at the damage to her room she walked into her bathroom and, ignoring the mirror, stepped into the shower.

She flinched as the water fell on her bruises and pushed pinpricks of pain past her barrier. She washed quickly and thoroughly trying to ignore the feeling of the dried blood and sweat and semen that covered her body and crusted her hair. She turned off the water and stepped out of the shower only to come face to face with the full-length mirror that reflected a most pitiful sight. Her broken, once sapphire eyes had long ago lost their brilliance. They seemed to crack as disgust and shame crept up inside her mind. She stared at the rainbow of colors that was her body. Red cuts and brown scabs, black and blue newly formed spots faded into the yellows and greens that had already been healing before last night. Her entire body was covered.

Except her face.

Never her face.

She always assumed it was because he liked to witness her agony. And of course because you could cover up everything else so that no one would get suspicious.

Wrapping a towel around herself she walked back into her room. It was almost six o'clock! She ran to her closet and pulled out one of her many long sleeved shirts and a pear of jeans. Before rushing to the bed and divesting it of it's coverings. Hopefully the blood would come out of these...

She knew what would happen if breakfast wasn't warm and the house wasn't spotless by the time her father woke up and she had no desire what so ever to earn herself a beating.

Enough of her blood had been spilled to paint the entire house red twice over.

It had been her responsibility to care for the house for years. It was a regular routine now she had learned not to complain. She remembered the first time her father had told her the duties of a woman and ever since then she had begun to take them on one by one...

"_A good woman should do nothing but cook, clean, obey her husbands every command and, of course, be there whenever he wishes to fuck her."_

_

* * *

_

By the time her father came downstairs it was just after seven o'clock. She stood in the kitchen corner waiting and watching as he inspected her food before deeming it edible and wolfing it down. It was practically impossible to tell that the polished, successful looking businessman in front of her was the same man who had so thoroughly violated her last night.

In the back of her mind the smallest hope emerged that he had been pleased enough with her body last night to let her eat this morning. She hadn't had more than bread crusts, milk and a bit of sausage for the last few days.

Half way through his breakfast her stomach grumbled. She lowered her head and waited for a blow that never came. Instead she felt her father grasp her chin and forced her head up so she was looking into his eyes.

"I'll be home late tonight wench. I know you not stupid enough to try and have friends over - not that anyone would want to be friends with a worthless whore like you- so you better be home by five." When he released her chin she nodded silently and lowered her eyes.

Roughly patting her cheek he grinned, "See? I told you that going over the rules would be good for you. I may not even fuck you tonight."

Kagome didn't move from her spot even as her father walked out the front door throwing back,

"Eat something. Worthless as you are I'd rather keep you alive than fuck a corpse".

Waiting until the sound of her fathers car had long gone she grabbed the pan and set herself making breakfast before heading to school.

* * *

BLACK LIGHT: Hello! I sincerely apologize for my disappearance. Many moons ago i accidentally deleted my own hard drive. Retrieving my more important data came first and by then i had kinda lost my inspiration. This fic came to me the other day and so i'm going to just write with the flow.

BUT! i has sum qvestiones. (yes. qvestiones (pronounced: c-vest-ee-oh-nez) ) Can anybody be my new Beta? mine disappeared! AND! how do i space this? so that my paragraphs don't have to be single spaced?

.

THANKS!


	3. Chapter 3

She was late. She was _so _late.

She rushed down the street her oversized long sleeve shirt, jeans and scarf just a little uncomfortable in the warming spring weather.

Hopefully they wouldn't call her father. She always tried her best to forget what had happened the last time he got a call from school. She repressed a shudder at the memory.

Kagome speed-walked through the halls towards her first period class. Stopping in front of the classroom door she paused to take a breath.

Knocking softly she turned the knob and entered the class. Every eye in the room was on her but his piercing golden gaze was the only one she felt. she didn't dare turn to look in his direction. Instead she walked stiffly up to Mr. Yomiyuri.

"You're late Higurashi?" The statement was more of a question, but she nodded anyways. Seeing her nod, he continued, "Well I am most certainly surprised. I don't think you've ever been late to any of my classes before. Take your seat. I'll let it slide just this once."

She sighed in relief. Her father wouldn't be called!

Mr. Yomiyuri returned to his lecture as Kagome made her way to her desk. Everyone's attention had already been returned to the board and so when she was settled with her notebooks open she snuck a glance at a certain golden eyed, silver haired hanyou in his desk one row ahead and two columns over. He had already lost the interest she had sparked with her late arrival.

She knew that he would never show any interest in her. She had ensured that he didn't even know she existed. She wouldn't risk it. It would hurt more if he knowingly ignored her and she could never allow him do discover her secret infatuation with him. The shame it would bring if _anyone _were to find out. She was nothing more than her fathers goof for nothing daughter. His two-bit, stress-relieving whore.

No. She was glad that his interest had been lost... at least... that's what she told herself.

**

* * *

BLACKLIGHT **HEY GUYS! i'm so _so so **so**_ sorry about the lateness. See what happened was. i wrote this chapter seven times... yah... SEVEN DIFFERENT versions and i couldn't find one a liked so i scrapped the whole thing and just let the keyboard work it's self (i ALWAYS screw up when i over-plan) SO! even though this is short i figured i give you at least SOMETHING.

PS: I'm still looking for a beta. PLEASE someone to bounce ideas off of is always helpful. it would make all our lives SO much easier. (Begging? Whose Begging?)

Please review with any plot suggestions or comments or criticisms or spelling and grammar errors that annoy you. I'm cool with whatever you wanna throw at me (figuratively please ^_^)


	4. Chapter 4

THIS IS CHAPTER 4! ^_^

ENJOY

* * *

"INUYASHA!"

Slamming his locker just a little harder than intended, Inuyasha flinched as several squealing girls ran down the hallway, pushing and shoving each other in the attempt to reach him first.

Using his superior speed he dashed ahead in the hopes of escaping his insane fanclub.

_'Damn concealment spell! I can't run any faster than a useless human!'_

"Hey Inuyasha what's-"

"No time Miroku! Distract them for me would ya!"

Amused by his friend's frantic reaction he turned to face the crowd of girls rounding the corner in search of their wonderful idol.

He ran his marathon sprint for fan-girl freedom non stop until he came to the back exit of the school. Making absolutely sure that he hadn't been followed he proceeded through the doors.

"Damn girls. They always attack at the most random times."

It seemed that this was their newest tactic on catching him. His fanclub had gotten a lot cleverer over the years. Either that or thier Predator/Prey instincts were highly active. He thought the latter to be the most likely possibility. Even being only 18 he was, after all, one of _the_ most wanted bachelors in Tokyo.

Being a Taisho offered several advantages over being a normal teen but he had to admit that the overzealous fangirls were not one of them. They had been fun in the beginning and he had taken full advantage of having so many girls willing to please him but after a while it kinda got boring.

Rushing foreword he noticed a small figure leaning against his chosen hiding tree! He couldn't recognize the person whoever it was. The still air didn't offer any help by way of scent and the hood of the figures navy hood covered their face.

His mouth open, he was prepared to frighten the intruder away, when the previously stilled air stirred, and a most unpleasant smell reached his sensitive nose.

_'Blood!'_

Quickening his steps until he was stopped only feet away, he tucked his hands into his jean pockets and crouched to sit on his heels,

"Oi. You okay?" After receiving no answer he repeated the question. Once again the figure said nothing.

"Look. I'm trying to be polite here. Just answer the damn question." When he was once again ignored a low growl escaped his throat and he reached foreword to remove the hood obscuring the persons face.

"Kikyou!"

She had high cheekbones and pale skin. Soft pink lips and fine eyebrows were scrunched together in what appeared to be a grimace of pain. Concerned about the girls lack of response he brushed aside the black bangs that framed her face and rested his hand on her forehead.

_'She's not hot or anything... What's up with her clothes? Kikyou would never dress in anything like this nor would she sit outside in the dirt by choice. Something's gotta be wrong with her._ _'_

Shaking her shoulders he tried to wake her from her seeming unconsciousness. "Come on Kikyou... wake up already would ya?". After one particularly hard shake her eyes slowly opened and upon noticing their deep blue color the first thought through his head was:

_'This isn't Kikyou.'_

* * *

There were only three possible explanations for what she was seeing. One: She had fallen asleep and was having one of the best, most realistic dreams of her life; Two: She was hallucinating because of the pain; or Three: her father had finally beaten her to death and she was enjoying her own personal heaven.

Possibility #3 was ruled out by the fact that she could still feel the pain in her ribs when she breathed. She was pretty sure a person didn't feel pain in heaven. Then again why would a person such as her go to heaven? Hell would be much more suitable a place for her, but that was ruled out as well because there was no way that HE would go to hell;

Number Two was ruled out when she realized that the hands grasping her shoulders were in fact solid; and number one was ruled out when he opened his mouth and spoke.

"You're not Kikyou."

While she had no idea who this Kikyou was she knew better than to ask questions. It was one of the rules.

"You gonna answer me?" Keeping her eyes diverted, Kagome made no move to speak. Even if she had she doubted she would have been able to make a sound. She could hardly believe it. Inuyasha Taisho was sitting in front of her, _ talking_ to her. She refused to mess this up by speaking. What could a filthy girl like her possibly have to say to such an amazing idol like him.

.

He was getting frustrated with this Kikyou-look-a-like girl. Why wouldn't she answer anything he asked her? Standing up he bit out, "If your not gonna answer my questions will you at least look me in the face when I'm talking to you?" He was shocked when she did as he asked. He was even more shocked by what he saw in her deep, drowning, ocean eyes. Longing, awe, hope were the only things he could make out behind the cloudy shield of what seemed like fear and pain. He was pulled away from his inspection as a grumbling, gurgling noise was heard. He watched as the girls eyes widened before she turned her head and closed her eyes tight as if awaiting some form of punishment for her stomachs impromptu announcement of it's current emptiness.

.

Oh what a terrible thing to have happened. Things had gone so well and then her stomach had to make that terribly unladylike noise. He was sure to be angry with her. She had no right to express her discomfort in front of him. She clenched herself tighter as his laughter built and rand through the air. He was laughing at her now. He'd never want to speak to her again, she was sure.

As his laughter died she heard him ask, "Looks like your hungry huh? I don't think I've ever heard someones stomach grumble that loudly, not even mine!" She felt the sting of tears behind her eyes as she realized that she had just ruined the only time he had ever spoken to her. He would hate her now she knew it.

She was surprised when instead of the strike she expected she felt a comforting hand come to rest on the top of her head.

"Hey, relax. I wasn't laughing _at_ you."

Her eyes opened and she took a peek at him from the edges of her vision as if checking to make sure his words were true. She relaxed when she noticed the contented smirk on his handsome face.

"At least tell me you remembered to bring a lunch." As it seemed that he was expecting some form of answer, she shook her head slowly in the negative as she once again lowered her gaze.

.

Surprised that she actually answered his question he almost missed the tiny shake of her head to indicate that no she did not have a lunch.

Mentally he heaved a great sigh. _"With a stomach rumble like that I can't exactly let her go without food."_

Standing he reached out a hand to help her up, "Come on, get up. Let's go get you something to eat."

She hesitated a moment but knew better than to disobey an order. Taking his hand he helped her up into a standing position and helped her regain her balance. Dropping her hand he turned and called over his shoulder "Follow me. I'm sure Sango's got something you can eat."


End file.
